Saturday, July 23, 2005

Fellowship of 419 pt 2: to john (verb)

Now as the fellowship was slowly getting together, a simple ritual became the cornerstone of the fellowship: Friday night, six thirty in front of Nike. Unfortunately, some of the members of the fellowship were I.S. (information systems) people and they all had one similar characteristic: they were always late. To have an I.S. member turn up on time was like the sun rising in the west or the sky falling on our heads.

To have the fellowship be all there at 6.40 would be a good thing. Sometimes, it would be 6.45 of even 7pm. Even when gathered, the fellowship had trouble deciding where to have their feast. To help combat these two problems, the non I.S. members of the fellowship decided to institute a rule: last one to arrive at the designated checkpoint had to decide where the feast was to be held. Alas, this rule proved ineffective as the answer would always be Nam Long 2.

Later, the fellowship instituted the 'if half an hour late, u have to buy everyone dinner rule'. Unfortunately, there was a lack of observance of the rule. If we had used violence to enforce it, we would have had less people in the fellowship.

However, there was another member of the fellowship who was always late and he was not an IS fellow. His name was John. (name may have been changed to protect the innocent) John would so often be very late and even frequently ffk (not turn up) that to ffk the fellowship became known as to john.

Example of typical conversation:

Akiramike: John seems late as usual.

Druggy: Usual lar. His name is John. We should expect to get johned by John.

Pipboy: Well, if John didn't john us then his name cannot be John, can it?

disclaimer: This dialogue may not have happened in the exact way, but it did happen.

Little did we know that the name John had other meanings as well.

In the game of CS, camping was of utmost importance but depended on the circumstances depending on one's objective. If one's mission was to plant a bomb or rescue hostages, then the strategy would be to rush as soon as possible to one of the bomb sites or where the hostages were. The maps in CS were such that there were many paths for the offensive team to take while the defensive team had to spread themselves and communicate where the offensive team was coming from.

Now John loved hiding behind boxes. Nothing wrong with that. But John loved hiding behind boxes so much that even when his teammate(s) was getting shot close to him he would stay as silent as a mouse. Even when his teammate(s) had died and the killers were reloading he would still stayed crouch down behind the box still hoping the killers would walk past him.

The conventional wisdom of coming out when ur teammate(s) was getting shot is to give your enemies another target. Hopefully they would pull the crosshair away from your teammate. Even if they did not, hopefully there were wasting preicious seconds killing ur teammate while you were getting free shots. In addition, they would have wasted at least half their bullets by then.

It never got to the point of calling taking a shit behind a box to john. However, if John's team was on the losing end, 99.9% of the time he would be the lone survivor, still at the same place always.

disclaimer: The author bears no malice to John (name changed to protect the innocent, maybe) and is not doing this to bismirch his good name. 'cough' The author has tried to maintain historical accuracy with consultation with former members of the fellowship of 419.

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